If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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