You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
