Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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