I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my being single is dangerous.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
