this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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