just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
