hotel room ftw
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
