haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
