my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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