Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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