The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
