Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
