i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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