Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
