respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
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so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
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The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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