I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
