Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
do nipples grow back?
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