Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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