Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
worst night to have a conscience
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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