Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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