Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
