We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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