I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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