i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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