when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
