She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
