respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Who died my cat blue again?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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