filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
