Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
