Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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