Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
