I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
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You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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