So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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