enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
