sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Randomize
