Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
