Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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