he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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