my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
