You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Found your dick twin last night
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You left your phone here
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