she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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