well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
