Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
her facebook's as public as her vagina
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
