He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
