you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's blow job season.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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