He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
