this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
