just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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