She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
