Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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