I want you more than these girls want KFC
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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