this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize