The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
