I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
