Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
