fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
