Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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