one two three fourrrrnication!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
