"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
