Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
