I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
