I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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