i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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