According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
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Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
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I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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