I'm jealous of your bromance
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
