I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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