You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
