the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
