Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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