Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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