i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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