she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
