i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
